Do. Or do not. There is no try.

 

Looking back at my childhood I seemed to always embrace the famous quote "Do. Or do not. There is no try." It all started at summer camp during my elementary school years watching A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi. (Yeah, I know I had THE BEST camp counselors.)

I've always gave my best in the things that mattered the most to me.
The things that matter to those I loved and the things that benefited us both in the long run.

"Do. Or do not. There is no try."

Not succeeding..  Wasn't a option.

I was and always be my worst critic. It has gotten me far in my career for being so young. It has gained respect from my superviors and my peers.
It has gotten me far in my personal life and way of life...
That outlook can also be a double edged sword. It has hurt me in many ways too. Bringing me to the point of feeling like... "What have I become?" Even though I honestly wasn't that far off or even in a bad situation at all. The thing is.. I guess... I always just knew that my life was worth more.

Anywho...
This has me thinking back on what I've wanted for myself as a youngster. How I wanted the life I've dreamed of and built through the Sims, the short stories I use to write, and watching while lusting over the life I saw people living in film... Not only in my career, environment, relationships, but in the community.

In high school and right out of it I use to volunteer my time with the YMCA for a summer camp that helped autistic children. Also, I use to be a volunteer for my local Hospice when they had their annual grievance camp for children and teens that have lost someone due to natural causes or violent. It hurts me that I haven't volunteered in a couple years. That brings me back to... "Who have I become?"

Giving back is necessity for me. Along the side of food, water, and shelter... Giving is going to be squeezed right into the middle. I'm not going to lie I do gain in volunteering. I need this in order to build a since of community for myself and to show my thanks to those whom have helped me. But this gain in a sense isn't a bad thing to have. It's a win/win situation.

Going forward what I'm doing for now on to fill the community and karma void...
-Every paycheck I'm donating money towards a non profit or small business.
-I've filled out an application for Hospice of King County to start volunteering when needed and for their children's camp every summer.
-As well as volunteering my time at least once a month.

Giving back is my number one concern right now. Lending a hand to those whom have helped me and those I love. So I can look back when I'm older and feel like I gave more than I took. <3

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” - Mother Teresa

Sleep when you're dead... That's what the cool people say, right?

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well I'll float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The day's get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't got anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's all about.
But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud....

Oh, Modest Mouse. Seriously, I don't care how over played.. That song has meant a lot to me in the last year or so.

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you can't even think of an alternative or a plan b?
That's how I feel about my life.
That's how it's always been.

I've finally broke through! Yet again!
It only took three things...

Hard work.
Hard work.
Hard work.

I'm finally back to where I left off in my career where I was in Indiana.
Maybe even better!
A better position.
A better opportunity for my future.
Not only through the company I currently work with but for the things I want for myself outside of that.

Not going to lie... I was completely overwhelmed when I thought about my current place and where I needed to be in the last few months.
I changed that.
I took intitative.

By the time I get settled in the new position school will start up.
Three months! And I'll finally be finishing up my BA in business! Hizz-ahh!

Seriously... FINALLY!

Hard work is finally playing off. I might even start some other side projects after rebuilding my art and jewelry making supplies! And some volunteering. :D

Oh, loooove.

A Six Letter Word

Before I could fall asleep I couldn't help but think about this six letter word that has been following me or I've been connecting with all week... INVEST.
Not necessarily financially. Even though that's how it clicked for me and my business mind frame...
Invest in other things. Things you probably wouldn't think to connect the word with.
Personal things.
Invest in yourself.
Invest in your dreams.
Invest in the people around you.
Invest in your life.
Invest in your mind.

Invest now and it will help in the long run.

I know. I know.
Investing in something is to think that it's going to turn around and benefit you eventually... That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It just depends on want you're investing in.
When it comes to personal things or other people... It's can be wonderful. As long as you're doing it just to see great things in the future. To see yourself or others blossom into a better person or people. I'm talking about investing.
In the good.
For the good.
For the better.

Investing in yourself and in others to see them go on to bigger things that may benefit the world itself...

This type investment is not ever wasted.
An investment into humanity.

Think about it. I'm done rambling. I hope I made sense.
INVEST!!! ;]

It's AAAALIIIVE!!!!

It’s alive! I’m back!

Quitting is not apart of my vocabulary but breaks are necessary to grow within oneself and explore new things. On my mini excursion away from the good ol’ keyboard I have learned (or even relearned) many things about myself.  On the way I learned a few things that solidified the bigger plan I have for myself.  All of it came together after taking a needed trip back to my hometown. Let me tell you... I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders from that experience. I can breathe and just focus on what’s forward.

After arriving back “home” it became ever so apparent that this last year was all about one thing… Running.

 As a person you can only deny things for so long when they’re right in front of your face.

Running from past relationships.

Running from burnt bridges.

Running from sort of bold business/career decisions.

Running from slightly sour personal decisions.

Some would think you’d tire after a month or so... But I tend to be one stubborn redhead.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying my decision to uproot and move thousands of miles away was all fueled by running from my demons.  It was not. I do have to admit they were a great instigator. 

Moving out west has always apart of the agenda but there really had never been a definite time that it was going to take place.

After a car accident (which wasn’t my fault) that turned everything in my life upside down.. Financially, physically, and mentally. I even found it seeping into my work life by creating an underlining net of anxiety. Then everything came at once….

Having to postpone my education.

A dream turning out to be a dark pit of doom.

Losing close friends after broken friendships over gray areas.

Financial ruin.

Last but not least emotional baggage from relationships entering then exiting my life.

BLAH.. BLAH.. BLAAAH…

I actually could go on because there is plenty more. I’m not here to bitch. I’m here to give you just a small taste of what happened to me in a less than a year span to make me finally pack up and jet a year ago!

Well… Pack up and drive a tiny little Sunfire extremely far away.

Demons were definitely the instigator. 

             My motivation hasn't ever be stronger and my mind hasn't been so clearer since the weight has been lifted.

In all honestly… I should’ve went back sooner. After going back and confronting everything or even just being reminded of them gave me closure. No wonder why only few of the thing that I set out to do in this last year got accomplished. I was never a hundred percent driving forward. There was always a part of me driving back. Mentally I never made it to the west coast only a part of mind and heart, body and clothes made it there. That’s crazy to think this way. I subconsciously stunted my growth. How can you do that for so long without even thinking of it? It only took about $500 and 12 hours of flying round trip. Welp. Detonation self averted.

BACK TO LIVING POSITIVE! ;D

             

          Ps! A lot is happening and going into motion in a matter of days of arriving back to the west coast! I’ll keep you updated. Except great things in the near future! ;p

Fit-ICK-ness and Hel-EW-th

So on the quest to a better self I realized I need to go the main source that pretty much controls my everything.
My moods, my physical appearance, and how my body works...

FOOOOOD!!!!

With years of going back and forth with all organic, natural, and vegetarian eating habits...
With years of reading blogs, articles, and books about the benefits..
With years of hearing testimonials and negatives from friends, family, and acquaintances..

I finally said to myself, "HEY LADY!!!! Why the hell are you listening to everybody else?! Why not listen (or feel) to what your body is trying to tell you???"

I did just that. It's the best thing I could ever do!
I've always listened to or noticed what my skin and hair was trying to tell me. Especially after finding out at an young age that I can pretty much say good bye or no thanks to anything that isn't natural, sensitive, or fragrance free.  Also that most medications tend to react stronger or cause the unwelcome side effects. Therefore, I stopped taking any medications. Limitations... But definitely for the better started at a very young age.

So why did it take me so long to understand the same concepts when it came to food? Maybe because all of it's tasty goodness? Or that I'm OBSESSED with eating? Or perhaps I hated the possibilities of restrictions like many others before me?

I guess it was just that. Limitations... I've never been an all or nothing kind of gal. It doesn't work for me one bit. With that realization I've been very successful with my climb to eating healthy and being considerate to my body.
On that note I would like to say I've been eating great and giving myself the occasional whim of "junk" food in the last three weeks. Fruits, veggies, and grains are my main sources of food. Also, I'm starting to notice how my body reacts to a consistent flow of healthy foods. Even showing me how bad some of the foods and beverages I've grown accustom to loving and craving. Examples...

- I LOVE COFFEE. It's not the healthiest in large amounts and especially not healthy for me since I'm anemic. The coffee bean tends to decrease the absorption of iron. (Bad news bears.) Even though I knew all of this I was still addicted to it's roasted favor, many versions of drinks, and jolt of energy it gave me. In the last couple of months it started to affect me with the combination of awful eating habits.. I was light headed, fatigued, and moody. Anemia was not happy with my choices. So in the last three weeks I gradually stopped drinking coffee. Two venti coffees went to one. Venti went to grande. Then I just switched completely over to tea (mostly green :3). I felt great! Then last week I was feeling very unmotivated at work so I decided to get a coffee drink. Worst idea ever!!!! My body felt heavy and light headed. I was nauseous. Plus I eventually had an awful crash. I had officially realized that drinking coffee was a bad idea for me.

-Milk, Cheese, Yogurt.. OH, MY! Yeah. More cheese the merrier, my good friend! haha. Welp.. until I noticed the difference that a vegan alternative made towards my digestive system. Another plus of being dairy free are the inches lost around my waist. Can I top that with the fact they were almost instant!! Saaay what?! Yep. I'm being for real. Dairy can cause minimal to extreme bloating on people (that's why when people start juice detoxes they lose inches around quickly). I also have more energy because my digestive organs aren't using it up all for they minerals I'm giving my body. If you don't believe me look up how your digestive system works or I just send you a picture of my waist with and without dairy. Haha. I'll do it for science. :p

-Red meat, red shmeat... Two words Italian Grinder. So good but so deadly. Instant food coma for me. It's delicious but it makes me feel heavy. Food is meant to fuel my body not slow it down. It's like gasoline to a car. Why would I put something in the tank that isn't going to get my car from point A to point B. That's my logic that goes with my for my body as well. I don't really eat too much red meat anyways so it wouldn't surprise me if it eventually was cut out all together..

So those were just a few things I noticed once I started eating healthier and listening to my body.

It's like a breath of fresh air.
Eating right is the first step though.
Hydration is the second.
Third is fitness. 

I've actually made a fitness plan for my weeks to get me back on track.

-Kickboxing Tues or Thurs or Both! :]
-1 to 2 times a week walking or jogging at least 3 miles.
-2 to 3 times a week focus on my abdominal, legs, and arm exercises.

Minimum goal is to do 2 of these a week but of course goaling for more. This is just attempt to get me back into exercising and making it easy to work around my full time work schedule.

It's all about maintaining then building onto.

Key points I've learn.
-Fuel with the right foods.
-Light foods over heavy.
-Drink LOTS of water.
-If I give in I'll get sick and hate my life... lol
-Food is the foundation to a healthy life but fitness exercises are the building blocks.

I'll keep you updated on new foods, recipes, and exercises I start! Until then think before you eat. I know I do. ;3

Over thinking often leads to a life not lived...

They say curiosity killed the cat...
I've always liked that phrase but I guess I liked it best when it's combined with the theory of felines having nine lives...

Do you think they use eight towards curious endeavors?
I wonder if I would be less of a weenie if I had few extras lying around?

I've recently came to the conclusion that I just need to suck it up.
I can't let anxiety of new things get in my way.
It's been bad in the last month especially after Ian went on tour. Some days I've gotten to the point of full blown attacks.

Mind over matter. That's my new motto. I've been sticking myself in situations where my anexity has been the worst. Making myself confront my fears head on...
It's been working! :]

The last week or so I believe I have more control than I have since I've moved from Indiana. :]
Here's what I've accomplished in the effort of self improvement and stepping out of my comfort zone in the last couple of weeks.

-After being without a car and anyone to drive me place to place I had to venture completely on my own...Without any trouble have been going all over town and to work by walking or public transit. Which has made me so much more comfortable with the city. It's been strange without a car but I definitely needed this to break out of my shell. :]

-I signed up for kickboxing lessons! :] My first lesson will be next week. I'm really excited to find my center and exercise at the same time.

-Fully understanding how my body reacts to different foods. Cutting out lots of dairy, red meat, overprocessed food, and coffee. Eating tons of grains, fruits, and veggies. I love how my body feels and my skin is starting to look. After eating so well then falling off the bandwagon because of a craving the other day made me realize how my eating habits truly affect me. It's amazing. In the habit of treating my body right I've completely changed my cosmetics and skincare routine. Love it!

- I've been trying to read more. Someone suggested an amazing book! Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I've been obsessed ever since. I'll be on a quest for another book soon. :]

-In order to achieve my ambition of creating my own jewelry line I started a separate account, making business plans, ordering supplies, and cleaning up my brand. I'm very excited. Many of you know.. it takes time and many trials in order to start something you are truly happy with. I have finally found some designs I'm truly in love with. :] Everything is on track to launch this late spring/early summer. :D

-Surprise opportunity occurred! :] I was asked to model for a very nice salon that's located downtown Seattle. I've model for multiple hair cosmetic companies before during hair shows but not for an actual salon. Professional photos. Styled. I'm very excited to see how my hair and the photos will turn out. Also, I hope this opportunity will allow me to work with them again in the future with other events and opportunities. :]

Progress. Progress. Progress. Love. Love. Loooove.

I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that over thinking so much can stop me from enjoying life. Taking the necessary leaps to get me to where I want to be.
I'm excited for what's in store ladies and gents! :]

Over thinking often leads to a life not lived. ;]

Footing.

The last year has been like gaining my footing on a tightrope.
Unbalanced.
One wrong step..
One wrong move..
It's been a hectic walk... Emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially.

For the first time in a very long time I feel stable in every aspect of my life.

Family. Relationship. Work. Education. Finances. Creativity.

I feel like I can finally take clear steps on improving my lifestyle.
The key is.. I believe I can finally balance them all without anything taking away from the others.
Or stressing me out to the point of overwhelmingly paralyzing my self growth..
I know this blog started out with certain things planned. Certain goals in mind. They are all still there.. Just in adjusted a little.
This time I will be giving myself time frames. 
Here's a few...

-Get my car fixed by the time Ian goes on tour.. (March 15th)
-Start an exercising routine (with or without a gym) in the next two weeks.
-Continue my healthy eating habits while increasing my water intake and allowing for some healthy amounts of sweets here and there.
-Read more. Two books a month. I know it's not a lot... But going from barely reading anymore to reading two books a month will get me on track to reading more. :]
-Start up school again in September so I can finish (finally!) and proceed on to a Masters.
-Draw. Doodle. Sketch. Once a day. Even if it's a stick figure or something I'll eventually throw away.
-Reopen my savings and start another checking/savings account for personal endeavors (so it's no way connected to my billing account) within the next week.
-create test version of jewelry in the next two weeks.
-create a legitimate business plan for a retailer, cafe, or venue in the next two months.
-clean up some designs for my accessory facebook and website in the next week.
-create a few sticker designs and logos for friends in the next two weeks.

Those are some of my immediate or "short-term" goals. I'll be following up within a week for the majority of them. :]
I know I've set goals before and no actual follow up was made but this time it'll be done. Especially now I have the 'disposable" income I can put towards supplies, materials, and school without any disruption to those finances. :] ALSO, Ian will be on tour for a couple weeks this month so I'll have plenty of focus time in between work.

I'm excited to accomplish goals!
I have so many ideas and endeavors!
I can finally start developing the life I lead into the life I've always wanted. <3


Blog to you soon! :]

To Inprison. To Revive.

A month after my relocation (hopefully my last for a very long time) and with the start of the new year...
I feel refreshed.
My support system has never been so solid. Ian is amazing. The nauseating ying to yang theory. Also, I've been working on strengthening my relationships with my family, friends (far and near), and even my co-workers.

It seems that even though everything is beautiful and fitting together so well I still have things, situations, or even people that I'm holding on to.. like ghosts following me and interfering with my life.
It's like I'm trapped. Everytime I'm reminded I go for a spin.

“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” - Confuscious

I don't know why.
I can't quite understand it.
Maybe now I acknowledge it from having a lot of time on my hands to think and wonder rather than just continue my very fast paced lifestyle.
Maybe that time made me realize I never actually gave myself enough time to get over it...
It's time for me to let go.

It's time to cut ties to those that constantly bring me down.
It's time to forgive and forget.
It's time to realize that the effort I put forth my not be returned but don't let it damper my mood.
It's time to learn who to bring close and who I can bring closer.
It's time to realize that some people have there own things to work through but don't let them work that out on you.
It's time let them be lessons and not hauntings.

Letting go is hard to do when you've had so many moments that you have shared. Or situations that have shown you the true colors of someone else. Or moments that have hurt you so bad that thinking about them years later still makes things swell up inside of you but you have a glimmer of a happy moment attached.

I think this is why I lost myself for a bit. It was a moment that all I had was myself, my past, my present, time alone, and my built up emotions.
Now that I have a solid support system I've never had... I understand.
It's okay that those things happen just give yourself time to reflect, learn, and move on.
 I gave myself a day off to think of every single person and every single situation. (I know. I know. Redheaded time bomb... Maybe not such a good idea... but it was. No explosions necessary. lol.)
every single hurt.
every single situation.
And I made myself learn from it. Come to some logical point in my life that was lead up to because of that moment.
Promotions.
Ian.
Learning to be completely selfsufficient.
Moving across country.
Pushing me to go back to school.
How others should treat me.
And helping me overall deal with any situation that comes my way.

Soooo... From all that came with.. All I have to say is thank you, Mr. & Mrs Ghosts! :]
I feel like there's nothing that handle because of each and everyone of my "ghosts."

Life couldn't be better.
I couldn't be happier.

Content. :]  Below is a quote I heard.. <3

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” - Mother Tersea

All my ducks are in a row? Then why do I have a random goose?

You know that moment in the movies when everything is falling into place?
And the main actor gets exactly what they want?
Yup. That's gradually happening to me.
Job. School. Art. Personal Endeavors.
The rest is slowing following.

But one thing is missing...
A friend, maybe?
Or two?

Yeah, I have friends back in Indiana..
Also, I guess my some of my boyfriend's friends can be considered.
I'm mostly looking for a close friend.
I'm the first one to admit I'm a bit unusual and kind of awkward. But that isn't the real reason why I'm stumbling or even hesitant on becoming close knit with another. 
In the past I've have dealt with many things that made me uncomfortable with the friendships. Plus I can be a real homebody or often known as a hermit.
Hesitating and hermits aren't good especially when you're starting from scratch..

SOOOO... Step aside awkward turtle! Imma start a friendship QUEST! lol

So my first step was asking for advice from my friend Lauren. She completely understands since we are long distant besties. She has already started a friend search. Her suggestion was using female friendship sites.

I know. I know. Get the jokes out now...

Are you done? Good.

Haha. Okay so I had the same thoughts, jokes, and skeptism.

Seriously, though they're somewhat helpful. I've tried using previous dating sites I've dabbled in a long time ago (before Ian) and changed the setting to looking for friends. My inbox just became cluttered with ridicously, obnoxious people (guys). So I decided to just give joining a female specific friend site a chance. Ian has also decided to introduce me to a few friends and friends' girlfriends.

We'll see.

The introduction part of starting a friendship isn't hard. It's the cultivating part. I do not... know necessarily how to accomplish that? Like I know the steps but it's overcoming the awkward small talk and low maintenance friendship or no friendship mentality I have. I guess that's why I find it SO MUCH easier to be friends with a geeky guy. haha.
Every time I think about acquiring a friend all I can think about is the movie I Love You, Man.
I am the real life, lady version of Peter Klavin. Oh, yeah! Move out of the way Paul Rudd! I have got you! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!!!!

What do you say?
What do you wear?
What do you go out to do?
After working drinks? (lol)
How do I respond?
If it goes well.. How do I keep it going?

So many questions! After thinking about all my worries I'm kinda of wondering... Why am I over thinking it? How did I get my friends I currently have? How did my previous friendships happen?
I started them through school (elementary, middle, high school), boyfriends, dating, and partying.
Welp. The only thing I've got on there is the boyfriend (which is introducing new people) but why don't have those friendships now?
I stopped partying.
Moral and value disagreements.
They became addicts.
Negativity.
Distance.
Different life paths.
Break ups.
Spouses.
Stealing.
Lying.
Stubbornness.
Or just becoming distant.

In the past I was easily friended by others. I love meeting new people. I liked making people happy even if it wasn't in my best interest. Is that why it's so hard for me now?  I understand now that can lead me down a not so great path.

In this quest of friendship here are my goals.
-Become a better friend and stay in contact to those far away that I care for.
-Get back to the open, friendly Andrea that befriended basically anyone...
-But know the difference between who should be the ones kept close
-Let go of the anger still left by the friends that hurt me (present or past)
-Maintain faith in others
-Stop being skeptical of females (haha. A toughy for me.)
-Stop being nervous to approach people you find interesting.

There possibly some others... But I will hopefully be making friends in the city quite soon. This is to be continued...

Operation Friends of Funsies is a GO!
:p

(Sorry if this blog is slopping or jumps around a lot. It was spur of the moment.)

Andrea. :]

Well Hello There!

Long time no see!
Or chat?
Or read?
Or blog?
Whatever works? I guess.

It definitely has been awhile since my last blog. I bet you thought I forgot about you...
Or the blog?
Or just became very lazy?
Or maybe even just didn't finish what I started? Like the usual end to blogs or self projects?
Nope. Not at all. I've a lot on my plate.
It's less like a plate. More like a dinner platter.
Yup.
A lot on my over-sized, dinner platter.

Dealing with empty holidays. Relocation of another thousand miles or so. Sanity vs. Income.
College plan revaluation. Big steps in my relationship. Entrepreneur endeavors.

Which all of the above have equaled growth in personal life, self strength, faith in myself, faith in others, business knowledge/experience, self worth, life plan, and unfortunately confusion. haha.

Let's dissect this dinner platter. Shall we?

Holidays. 
The holidays while growing up where very important to my family. It was the one time of the year where everyone would come together regardless of tiffs that we were in the middle of. It's funny how some people forget that. I never realized how many people that don't make note what the holidays are really about until I couldn't spend time with my family or loved ones. I do believe out of all the financial and emotional struggles from moving so far away so quickly... The holidays last year were the hardest thing I have to go through on my own. That's the one thing I would never wish upon even the most evil of people. Even though it was hard I learned to never take any of the people that genuinely care about me for granted. Also, in hind sight give those people (friends and family) all the time of day and let the others go. Tis' the season for life lessons! Fa la la la laaaa!!!!!

Relocation to Washington.
Woooo!  Something I've wanted to do for years finally happened! I've been in love with this state since my first visit to Seattle at 19 years old. Greenery. Coffee. Culture. Music. Thrift stores. Beaches. Delicious food.Locally owned businesses. Lovely people. Dreams. Dreams. Ddddreeams! Even though I'm in the inevitable job limbo at the beginning of any multiple states move.. I couldn't be happier about the move. It's prompted the rise of a couple of old aspirations. BONITA! :)

Sanity vs. Income.
Like with every relocation or job/career change I;m always reminded to ask myself... What is more important money or my happiness and sanity? Sometimes like anyone I get tempted by multiple digits and an extra zero or two added on my paycheck but in the end it never helps. I just want enough to feed me, pay bills, afford a few luxuries, and feel financial secure. There's this pact I've made to myself if I sense trouble ahead in one of  the paths I have to decide between I need to sit down and plan out my next step. Is this trouble going to be constant? Even after I get through the initial issue? Will perseverance lead to something I will be grateful for after the fact? Will this lead me to nothing but something I don't want to be? Which decision will be greater in the long run? Those are just some of the many questions I ask. In the end... Believe me. I always go with my instincts now. They tend to lead me in the right and the happiest direction. ;)

College Plan Revaluation.
 Aaaargh!!!!! School! This is where most of my confusion rests. I've been pursuing the path of online classes through Berklee College of Music.. but I think I might need to change it up. Currently I'm looking into local colleges in Seattle for my education. I need something a bit cheaper (Even though my first semester or two quarters will be ridiculous because I'm not a resident >.<) in the long run and will also allow me to double major and minor in other interests. If any of you really know me and my history with college... Then you know I can get really frustrated with colleges, FAFSA, student loans, and my family when it comes to my pursuit of higher education. This time I won't let the road blocks that in my past have stopped me. I have two persistent, educational role models as a good friend and significant other. :)

Relationships.
Simple. Don't be afraid to strengthen relationships with family, significant others, and friends. Don't be afraid to let them go when it's time to move on. 

Entrepreneur Endeavors.
OoooOOooooOoo. Entrepreneurship is in my blood. Creativity is in my blood. Why not use both? I've just recently decided to start up an accessory and jewelry line. I'm excited for when finally everything comes together hopefully soon. Not only am I excited for this to start and even work out.. I'm thrilled for dead dream being revived. Starting my own real life... in the flesh business! It's a stepping stone to bigger things. It rekindled a dream of a non-profit venue and creative community. :) Rekindling, revising, planning, and brainstorming has begun. Soooo pumped. I was deterred once from a building selling in a silent auction that I based all of my business planning off of. This things will be better. Just give me a year and you'll be seeing this dream present itself again.;D

 So many things..
I've learned.

So many things...
I've accomplish for myself.

So many things...
I still need to figure out
But I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Blog to ya soon! :)

My Web of Goals!

So like I've said previously.. Sometimes outer influences can put a damper on or put a cloud over personal growth.  Letting in the wrong types of vibes or influences may make it harder to accomplish the things you set out to do. This is a lesson I have definitely learned in my life especially right now. Think about it though.. If outer factors can influence you in a negative way there has to be a yang to this yin, right? There is! We just need to learn to not let the dark cloud put a shadow over our path when there is a perfectly good ray of sunshine gleaming through about a block away. :] This morning I went bike riding with my roommate's mother. Riding was not only great exercise but it was also a good life lesson. While making our way up the inclines our body is put through many challanges. Stretching of muscles (you forgot you had) and sometimes exhausting amounts of activity your body goes through just to hit a plateau.. That plateau stablizes you for only a short time then here comes another incline.. Once we get to the top of all our inclines its only downhill from there. Coasting home. You're able to enjoy the breeze and the scenery. Just like she said  "this makes it all worth it."   I may not be exactly where I want to be in life but I shouldn't let that stop me from seeing that this time is just a step to get to my goal. In all honesty I wouldn't have it any other way. After all this I'll be able to enjoy my adventure, discoveries, and fruits of my labor so much more. So back to my path!


Here's my Web of Goals that sprouted from my plans! :]

Health! :]
-Eating healthier
-Exercise Routine
-Skincare Routine
-Eating more organic and raw foods
-Vitamins

Carefree!
-pay off Scion
-pay off Sunfire
-build a legtimate savings
-strictly follow my financial planning
-build credit
-pay off medical bills

Art!
-Draw and paint more
-try/discover new medias and techniques
-explore and research new/other artists
-find/join local art community
-build website
-build an inventory of accessories and clothing

Music!
-buy a keyboard
-replace acoustic guitar
-step up lessons to relearn and hold accountability
-build practice routine
-challenge myself in song writing
-gather up courage to sing in front of others

Success! <3
-finish school
-internship
-successfully run and develop an accessory/clothing line
-get THEE job
-buy a house in Seattle. :]


There you go! That's my web! I'll post later this evening or tomorrow on my accomplishments and my struggles with each.

The Breaking Point.

Living in the land of materialism and "sin" doesn't necessarily help on the path of rediscovery. Everywhere I turn I see people only going the instant gratification route.. Since I've moved I've felt financially pressured, tempted by immorality, and pressured in general into things I don't necessarily want to over indulge in. If you know me thoroughly you may understand that pressure of any sort almost always leads to high anxiety. High anxiety leads to depression. Which is something for the last four years I've gained more control over by maintaining a healthy diet and exercise, spirituality, meditation, being cautious of those I bring into my life, and upholding some consistency in my life.. That control has been particularly hard to hold on to since I've moved to Vegas. My trip to Seattle reopened my eyes to how minimalism is the way I feel the most comfortable living. Not the high roller lifestyle. Lights, clubs, brand new cars, expensive dinners, and label shoes and purses. Don't get me wrong thoughts of those things have crossed my mind from time to time.. But it's not something I see myself being truly happy in or striving for. The things I value more than anything in my life are companionship/friendship, nature, staying true to myself, and creativity. You notice fancy shoes and money doesn't really seem to fit in my life's agenda... ;) All I want to do more than ever is donate most of my things, work in a place creativity is what I'm selling or giving away, to sell my car, live well within my means, ride or walk to work, and fill my life full to brim with people passionate about the same things I am. That is what Seattle does to me. Makes me grateful for what I have, ashamed of what I over consumed in, and makes me want to live in a way that makes me feel comfortable and knowing that I won't be ashamed of myself for taking more than I actually need.

From this moment on I will not compromise anything that I hold true. I can't be anything but myself. Why try?

One of my favorite chilhood books, The Outsiders, has a great line.. "Stay true, Ponyboy." Stay true, Andrea! Stay true! :3 

I'm currently blogging from the plane home to Nevada. Once I get home and settled tomorrow I will post my progress and struggles with my goals and plans. I'm excited to see what I can improve, what I have improved, and what plan tactics need to be reworked!

Ready. Set. EXPLORE!

It's been awhile, huh? My new job has definitely gotten me craving personal routine!
The weirdest thing though is that I'm also searching for change still.
New place. Same things. It seems.
The glimpse into the thoughts of a retail future...
Is scary.
I can't wait until school starts! Until then I need to make sure I'm working towards bettering myself and not postponing it. Even though school has until January. Financial road bump but not to be discourage. This just gives me time to build upon myself to make sure I'm a 110% before my life is consumed by work and school! :)
Even though I haven't posted in awhile doesn't mean I haven't been planning. ;) I've been tweaking my Plans and I condensed them to what fits my wants/needs.
(To be..)
-Carefree
-Successful
-Healthy
(To build upon these things in my life...)
-Art
-Music
-Spirituality
They're a bit different from the previous Plans I posted. Less stress was changed to Carefree and I removed Happiness and Self Worth. The thought process was that those two would find their way into this process the closer I came to the others. Let's also be real! I pretty much know my self worth.. I'm just building! Plus, I'm almost never less than a happy camper! :p
Well those are my Plans! :) The next few posts will be the goals I've made to get to my plans! I'm excited! :) I'm getting ready to explore and build! I honestly can't wait! A lot can change within a year! ;p

Evolving

As people we are constantly evolving. Let it be physically, intellectually, or spiritually... It's one of the few things that will always be there. Constant.

Everyday. Every hour. Every minute. we are given the opportunity to make a decision. A choice. Sometimes we don't realize at that moment and we may think they are miniscule.. But they are vital to who we are and who we will become. Our choices can turn into our characteristics. Our image we put unto others.

One of my favorite quotes ever is from Democritis.

"Everyman blames fate but fate is only an echo of his characteristics and passions, his strengths and his weaknesses."

Evolve wisely. ;p

A lot

It's weird to say but a lot has happen since I've blogged last.
So many experiences.
So many changes within myself.
So many realizations.
So many interests rekindled.

I'm excited. For the first time in my life I'm putting myself as a top priority.
It's weird.
It's actually kind of hard.
How can putting yourself be so hard when you already know what's best for you and your interests?
It's not like you have to have a first date with yourself and ask all the inevitable, cliche' questions...

Or maybe after awhile.. Sometimes you do?

That's what I'm doing. I'm actually stepping back and asking myself for once instead of just assuming.

What are the things that truly interest me? (Reguardless if I've meddled in them previously or not.)
What are the things that I've always wanted to do?
These questions can even get more detailed like..
What kind of art projects have I wanted to start?
What songs do I want to become the bees knees at?
What books have I been wanting to read for ages but postponing?

And the big question...

What do I want to get out of this life?

Happiness.
Success.
Self Worth.
Art.
Music.
Carefree.
Home.
Health.

Those are the things I'm mediating on.

But I realized something. Sometimes you have to get ballsy. Enough to make decisions that force you towards the right direction on getting to those things out of life.
I've made a few already.
One was very good.
One was okay.
One was god awful.
I corrected it quickly though.

I'm a very visual person. It's easier for me to accomplish things by seeing the steps or small goals to the greater plans laid out in front of me.

I have a section of wall in my room dedicated to my one year project.
It's titled on top then I have all my one year goals (what I want to get from life) on there as well. With each goal I have attached things I can do to get me to them kind of forming an uniform tail below them.
Example...

Health:
-Yoga.
-Eating Organic/natural.
-Buying a new bike/bike riding.
-Eating healthier.
-Walks in the park/neighborhood.
-Skincare routines.
-Vitamins.

Each time I start a consistent routine with one.. I pull the goal off of my wall. Even if you put a super easy thing as a goal and it is gone within a day it's at least showing you're making way towards your plans! :] This way shows me a visual representation of how close I am to accomplishing it. I tend to stay motivate that way as well seeing myself become closer and closer. :]

I'm actually putting up my goals tonight and tomorrow so I'll be sure to list them in my next post for examples and inspirations. :]

The Lightbulb

Today over coffee I finally gave up my recent battle.
                 The internal battle of not continuing to tell myself I have my life together.
This for me is weird. Very unusual actually.
                  I have recently quit a stable career in progress.
                            I was gaining ground on a five year plan and hit the moment where I thought.
                                     Almost everything I'm doing here is going against my grain.
                  Uprooted from myself from familiarity.
                            Moved 1,800 miles away from home.
                                 Even though there were a few positive faces. Most I familiarized with negativity.
Every thing I did was making headway towards a happier me. Being true to myself.
                 But... Um.. If that was all for the best?
                                Why am I now COMPLETELY lost and all over the place?!
             
                 I think it's time to say it...
                       I have no idea what I'm doing! Who I really am? What I'm really wanting to do?
                                                               
 Then when I do have an idea..

                                                  


                                                      How the heck can I get there?

This begins my one year self project. Project Rethink. Revive. It's a project of self planning, self progression, and self discovery. I'll be posting at least once a week of things I've done to better myself and motivate me to complete my goals by the end of this year. I'm super pumped! <3