Today over coffee I finally gave up my recent battle.
The internal battle of not continuing to tell myself I have my life together.
This for me is weird. Very unusual actually.
I have recently quit a stable career in progress.
I was gaining ground on a five year plan and hit the moment where I thought.
Almost everything I'm doing here is going against my grain.
Uprooted from myself from familiarity.
Moved 1,800 miles away from home.
Even though there were a few positive faces. Most I familiarized with negativity.
Every thing I did was making headway towards a happier me. Being true to myself.
But... Um.. If that was all for the best?
Why am I now COMPLETELY lost and all over the place?!
I think it's time to say it...
I have no idea what I'm doing! Who I really am? What I'm really wanting to do?
Then when I do have an idea..
How the heck can I get there?
This begins my one year self project. Project Rethink. Revive. It's a project of self planning, self progression, and self discovery. I'll be posting at least once a week of things I've done to better myself and motivate me to complete my goals by the end of this year. I'm super pumped! <3
Andrea, I am so proud of you! The first steps to self-discovery is to realize that "I have no idea what I'm doing! Who I really am? What I'm really wanting to do?" (according to the 7 steps to self-discovery by Marisa Bernard lol!)
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, people don't want to be around others who are "perfect." I know... I was there. I took care of everyone else except for myself (because after all, I had no needs... yeah right!) and what I was doing was pushing others away... fast. I didn't feel confident enough in myself to let my guard down. What my friends were really asking of me was for me to cut the crap and be real, so they felt a little less alone and judge (even tho I would never judge my friends... that's what it feels like to them when I walk around with the false pretense that I'm perfect).
Truthfully, relationships are build around love, trust, and empathy. It wasn't until I accepted the fact that my life was just as screwed up as everyone else and that I needed others to find wholeness and I was going to risk being vulnerable... that I began to tear down the walls of unrealistic expectations of myself and gleaned a wealth of friendships :D
God's not through with me yet. I'm always a work in progress, but I feel I'm on the right track again! YAY!! I will pray for you sweetheart as you begin your journey... bring it on!!
Hugs & Love,
Marisa