Over thinking often leads to a life not lived...

They say curiosity killed the cat...
I've always liked that phrase but I guess I liked it best when it's combined with the theory of felines having nine lives...

Do you think they use eight towards curious endeavors?
I wonder if I would be less of a weenie if I had few extras lying around?

I've recently came to the conclusion that I just need to suck it up.
I can't let anxiety of new things get in my way.
It's been bad in the last month especially after Ian went on tour. Some days I've gotten to the point of full blown attacks.

Mind over matter. That's my new motto. I've been sticking myself in situations where my anexity has been the worst. Making myself confront my fears head on...
It's been working! :]

The last week or so I believe I have more control than I have since I've moved from Indiana. :]
Here's what I've accomplished in the effort of self improvement and stepping out of my comfort zone in the last couple of weeks.

-After being without a car and anyone to drive me place to place I had to venture completely on my own...Without any trouble have been going all over town and to work by walking or public transit. Which has made me so much more comfortable with the city. It's been strange without a car but I definitely needed this to break out of my shell. :]

-I signed up for kickboxing lessons! :] My first lesson will be next week. I'm really excited to find my center and exercise at the same time.

-Fully understanding how my body reacts to different foods. Cutting out lots of dairy, red meat, overprocessed food, and coffee. Eating tons of grains, fruits, and veggies. I love how my body feels and my skin is starting to look. After eating so well then falling off the bandwagon because of a craving the other day made me realize how my eating habits truly affect me. It's amazing. In the habit of treating my body right I've completely changed my cosmetics and skincare routine. Love it!

- I've been trying to read more. Someone suggested an amazing book! Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I've been obsessed ever since. I'll be on a quest for another book soon. :]

-In order to achieve my ambition of creating my own jewelry line I started a separate account, making business plans, ordering supplies, and cleaning up my brand. I'm very excited. Many of you know.. it takes time and many trials in order to start something you are truly happy with. I have finally found some designs I'm truly in love with. :] Everything is on track to launch this late spring/early summer. :D

-Surprise opportunity occurred! :] I was asked to model for a very nice salon that's located downtown Seattle. I've model for multiple hair cosmetic companies before during hair shows but not for an actual salon. Professional photos. Styled. I'm very excited to see how my hair and the photos will turn out. Also, I hope this opportunity will allow me to work with them again in the future with other events and opportunities. :]

Progress. Progress. Progress. Love. Love. Loooove.

I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that over thinking so much can stop me from enjoying life. Taking the necessary leaps to get me to where I want to be.
I'm excited for what's in store ladies and gents! :]

Over thinking often leads to a life not lived. ;]

Footing.

The last year has been like gaining my footing on a tightrope.
Unbalanced.
One wrong step..
One wrong move..
It's been a hectic walk... Emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially.

For the first time in a very long time I feel stable in every aspect of my life.

Family. Relationship. Work. Education. Finances. Creativity.

I feel like I can finally take clear steps on improving my lifestyle.
The key is.. I believe I can finally balance them all without anything taking away from the others.
Or stressing me out to the point of overwhelmingly paralyzing my self growth..
I know this blog started out with certain things planned. Certain goals in mind. They are all still there.. Just in adjusted a little.
This time I will be giving myself time frames. 
Here's a few...

-Get my car fixed by the time Ian goes on tour.. (March 15th)
-Start an exercising routine (with or without a gym) in the next two weeks.
-Continue my healthy eating habits while increasing my water intake and allowing for some healthy amounts of sweets here and there.
-Read more. Two books a month. I know it's not a lot... But going from barely reading anymore to reading two books a month will get me on track to reading more. :]
-Start up school again in September so I can finish (finally!) and proceed on to a Masters.
-Draw. Doodle. Sketch. Once a day. Even if it's a stick figure or something I'll eventually throw away.
-Reopen my savings and start another checking/savings account for personal endeavors (so it's no way connected to my billing account) within the next week.
-create test version of jewelry in the next two weeks.
-create a legitimate business plan for a retailer, cafe, or venue in the next two months.
-clean up some designs for my accessory facebook and website in the next week.
-create a few sticker designs and logos for friends in the next two weeks.

Those are some of my immediate or "short-term" goals. I'll be following up within a week for the majority of them. :]
I know I've set goals before and no actual follow up was made but this time it'll be done. Especially now I have the 'disposable" income I can put towards supplies, materials, and school without any disruption to those finances. :] ALSO, Ian will be on tour for a couple weeks this month so I'll have plenty of focus time in between work.

I'm excited to accomplish goals!
I have so many ideas and endeavors!
I can finally start developing the life I lead into the life I've always wanted. <3


Blog to you soon! :]

To Inprison. To Revive.

A month after my relocation (hopefully my last for a very long time) and with the start of the new year...
I feel refreshed.
My support system has never been so solid. Ian is amazing. The nauseating ying to yang theory. Also, I've been working on strengthening my relationships with my family, friends (far and near), and even my co-workers.

It seems that even though everything is beautiful and fitting together so well I still have things, situations, or even people that I'm holding on to.. like ghosts following me and interfering with my life.
It's like I'm trapped. Everytime I'm reminded I go for a spin.

“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” - Confuscious

I don't know why.
I can't quite understand it.
Maybe now I acknowledge it from having a lot of time on my hands to think and wonder rather than just continue my very fast paced lifestyle.
Maybe that time made me realize I never actually gave myself enough time to get over it...
It's time for me to let go.

It's time to cut ties to those that constantly bring me down.
It's time to forgive and forget.
It's time to realize that the effort I put forth my not be returned but don't let it damper my mood.
It's time to learn who to bring close and who I can bring closer.
It's time to realize that some people have there own things to work through but don't let them work that out on you.
It's time let them be lessons and not hauntings.

Letting go is hard to do when you've had so many moments that you have shared. Or situations that have shown you the true colors of someone else. Or moments that have hurt you so bad that thinking about them years later still makes things swell up inside of you but you have a glimmer of a happy moment attached.

I think this is why I lost myself for a bit. It was a moment that all I had was myself, my past, my present, time alone, and my built up emotions.
Now that I have a solid support system I've never had... I understand.
It's okay that those things happen just give yourself time to reflect, learn, and move on.
 I gave myself a day off to think of every single person and every single situation. (I know. I know. Redheaded time bomb... Maybe not such a good idea... but it was. No explosions necessary. lol.)
every single hurt.
every single situation.
And I made myself learn from it. Come to some logical point in my life that was lead up to because of that moment.
Promotions.
Ian.
Learning to be completely selfsufficient.
Moving across country.
Pushing me to go back to school.
How others should treat me.
And helping me overall deal with any situation that comes my way.

Soooo... From all that came with.. All I have to say is thank you, Mr. & Mrs Ghosts! :]
I feel like there's nothing that handle because of each and everyone of my "ghosts."

Life couldn't be better.
I couldn't be happier.

Content. :]  Below is a quote I heard.. <3

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” - Mother Tersea

All my ducks are in a row? Then why do I have a random goose?

You know that moment in the movies when everything is falling into place?
And the main actor gets exactly what they want?
Yup. That's gradually happening to me.
Job. School. Art. Personal Endeavors.
The rest is slowing following.

But one thing is missing...
A friend, maybe?
Or two?

Yeah, I have friends back in Indiana..
Also, I guess my some of my boyfriend's friends can be considered.
I'm mostly looking for a close friend.
I'm the first one to admit I'm a bit unusual and kind of awkward. But that isn't the real reason why I'm stumbling or even hesitant on becoming close knit with another. 
In the past I've have dealt with many things that made me uncomfortable with the friendships. Plus I can be a real homebody or often known as a hermit.
Hesitating and hermits aren't good especially when you're starting from scratch..

SOOOO... Step aside awkward turtle! Imma start a friendship QUEST! lol

So my first step was asking for advice from my friend Lauren. She completely understands since we are long distant besties. She has already started a friend search. Her suggestion was using female friendship sites.

I know. I know. Get the jokes out now...

Are you done? Good.

Haha. Okay so I had the same thoughts, jokes, and skeptism.

Seriously, though they're somewhat helpful. I've tried using previous dating sites I've dabbled in a long time ago (before Ian) and changed the setting to looking for friends. My inbox just became cluttered with ridicously, obnoxious people (guys). So I decided to just give joining a female specific friend site a chance. Ian has also decided to introduce me to a few friends and friends' girlfriends.

We'll see.

The introduction part of starting a friendship isn't hard. It's the cultivating part. I do not... know necessarily how to accomplish that? Like I know the steps but it's overcoming the awkward small talk and low maintenance friendship or no friendship mentality I have. I guess that's why I find it SO MUCH easier to be friends with a geeky guy. haha.
Every time I think about acquiring a friend all I can think about is the movie I Love You, Man.
I am the real life, lady version of Peter Klavin. Oh, yeah! Move out of the way Paul Rudd! I have got you! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!!!!

What do you say?
What do you wear?
What do you go out to do?
After working drinks? (lol)
How do I respond?
If it goes well.. How do I keep it going?

So many questions! After thinking about all my worries I'm kinda of wondering... Why am I over thinking it? How did I get my friends I currently have? How did my previous friendships happen?
I started them through school (elementary, middle, high school), boyfriends, dating, and partying.
Welp. The only thing I've got on there is the boyfriend (which is introducing new people) but why don't have those friendships now?
I stopped partying.
Moral and value disagreements.
They became addicts.
Negativity.
Distance.
Different life paths.
Break ups.
Spouses.
Stealing.
Lying.
Stubbornness.
Or just becoming distant.

In the past I was easily friended by others. I love meeting new people. I liked making people happy even if it wasn't in my best interest. Is that why it's so hard for me now?  I understand now that can lead me down a not so great path.

In this quest of friendship here are my goals.
-Become a better friend and stay in contact to those far away that I care for.
-Get back to the open, friendly Andrea that befriended basically anyone...
-But know the difference between who should be the ones kept close
-Let go of the anger still left by the friends that hurt me (present or past)
-Maintain faith in others
-Stop being skeptical of females (haha. A toughy for me.)
-Stop being nervous to approach people you find interesting.

There possibly some others... But I will hopefully be making friends in the city quite soon. This is to be continued...

Operation Friends of Funsies is a GO!
:p

(Sorry if this blog is slopping or jumps around a lot. It was spur of the moment.)

Andrea. :]

Well Hello There!

Long time no see!
Or chat?
Or read?
Or blog?
Whatever works? I guess.

It definitely has been awhile since my last blog. I bet you thought I forgot about you...
Or the blog?
Or just became very lazy?
Or maybe even just didn't finish what I started? Like the usual end to blogs or self projects?
Nope. Not at all. I've a lot on my plate.
It's less like a plate. More like a dinner platter.
Yup.
A lot on my over-sized, dinner platter.

Dealing with empty holidays. Relocation of another thousand miles or so. Sanity vs. Income.
College plan revaluation. Big steps in my relationship. Entrepreneur endeavors.

Which all of the above have equaled growth in personal life, self strength, faith in myself, faith in others, business knowledge/experience, self worth, life plan, and unfortunately confusion. haha.

Let's dissect this dinner platter. Shall we?

Holidays. 
The holidays while growing up where very important to my family. It was the one time of the year where everyone would come together regardless of tiffs that we were in the middle of. It's funny how some people forget that. I never realized how many people that don't make note what the holidays are really about until I couldn't spend time with my family or loved ones. I do believe out of all the financial and emotional struggles from moving so far away so quickly... The holidays last year were the hardest thing I have to go through on my own. That's the one thing I would never wish upon even the most evil of people. Even though it was hard I learned to never take any of the people that genuinely care about me for granted. Also, in hind sight give those people (friends and family) all the time of day and let the others go. Tis' the season for life lessons! Fa la la la laaaa!!!!!

Relocation to Washington.
Woooo!  Something I've wanted to do for years finally happened! I've been in love with this state since my first visit to Seattle at 19 years old. Greenery. Coffee. Culture. Music. Thrift stores. Beaches. Delicious food.Locally owned businesses. Lovely people. Dreams. Dreams. Ddddreeams! Even though I'm in the inevitable job limbo at the beginning of any multiple states move.. I couldn't be happier about the move. It's prompted the rise of a couple of old aspirations. BONITA! :)

Sanity vs. Income.
Like with every relocation or job/career change I;m always reminded to ask myself... What is more important money or my happiness and sanity? Sometimes like anyone I get tempted by multiple digits and an extra zero or two added on my paycheck but in the end it never helps. I just want enough to feed me, pay bills, afford a few luxuries, and feel financial secure. There's this pact I've made to myself if I sense trouble ahead in one of  the paths I have to decide between I need to sit down and plan out my next step. Is this trouble going to be constant? Even after I get through the initial issue? Will perseverance lead to something I will be grateful for after the fact? Will this lead me to nothing but something I don't want to be? Which decision will be greater in the long run? Those are just some of the many questions I ask. In the end... Believe me. I always go with my instincts now. They tend to lead me in the right and the happiest direction. ;)

College Plan Revaluation.
 Aaaargh!!!!! School! This is where most of my confusion rests. I've been pursuing the path of online classes through Berklee College of Music.. but I think I might need to change it up. Currently I'm looking into local colleges in Seattle for my education. I need something a bit cheaper (Even though my first semester or two quarters will be ridiculous because I'm not a resident >.<) in the long run and will also allow me to double major and minor in other interests. If any of you really know me and my history with college... Then you know I can get really frustrated with colleges, FAFSA, student loans, and my family when it comes to my pursuit of higher education. This time I won't let the road blocks that in my past have stopped me. I have two persistent, educational role models as a good friend and significant other. :)

Relationships.
Simple. Don't be afraid to strengthen relationships with family, significant others, and friends. Don't be afraid to let them go when it's time to move on. 

Entrepreneur Endeavors.
OoooOOooooOoo. Entrepreneurship is in my blood. Creativity is in my blood. Why not use both? I've just recently decided to start up an accessory and jewelry line. I'm excited for when finally everything comes together hopefully soon. Not only am I excited for this to start and even work out.. I'm thrilled for dead dream being revived. Starting my own real life... in the flesh business! It's a stepping stone to bigger things. It rekindled a dream of a non-profit venue and creative community. :) Rekindling, revising, planning, and brainstorming has begun. Soooo pumped. I was deterred once from a building selling in a silent auction that I based all of my business planning off of. This things will be better. Just give me a year and you'll be seeing this dream present itself again.;D

 So many things..
I've learned.

So many things...
I've accomplish for myself.

So many things...
I still need to figure out
But I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Blog to ya soon! :)

My Web of Goals!

So like I've said previously.. Sometimes outer influences can put a damper on or put a cloud over personal growth.  Letting in the wrong types of vibes or influences may make it harder to accomplish the things you set out to do. This is a lesson I have definitely learned in my life especially right now. Think about it though.. If outer factors can influence you in a negative way there has to be a yang to this yin, right? There is! We just need to learn to not let the dark cloud put a shadow over our path when there is a perfectly good ray of sunshine gleaming through about a block away. :] This morning I went bike riding with my roommate's mother. Riding was not only great exercise but it was also a good life lesson. While making our way up the inclines our body is put through many challanges. Stretching of muscles (you forgot you had) and sometimes exhausting amounts of activity your body goes through just to hit a plateau.. That plateau stablizes you for only a short time then here comes another incline.. Once we get to the top of all our inclines its only downhill from there. Coasting home. You're able to enjoy the breeze and the scenery. Just like she said  "this makes it all worth it."   I may not be exactly where I want to be in life but I shouldn't let that stop me from seeing that this time is just a step to get to my goal. In all honesty I wouldn't have it any other way. After all this I'll be able to enjoy my adventure, discoveries, and fruits of my labor so much more. So back to my path!


Here's my Web of Goals that sprouted from my plans! :]

Health! :]
-Eating healthier
-Exercise Routine
-Skincare Routine
-Eating more organic and raw foods
-Vitamins

Carefree!
-pay off Scion
-pay off Sunfire
-build a legtimate savings
-strictly follow my financial planning
-build credit
-pay off medical bills

Art!
-Draw and paint more
-try/discover new medias and techniques
-explore and research new/other artists
-find/join local art community
-build website
-build an inventory of accessories and clothing

Music!
-buy a keyboard
-replace acoustic guitar
-step up lessons to relearn and hold accountability
-build practice routine
-challenge myself in song writing
-gather up courage to sing in front of others

Success! <3
-finish school
-internship
-successfully run and develop an accessory/clothing line
-get THEE job
-buy a house in Seattle. :]


There you go! That's my web! I'll post later this evening or tomorrow on my accomplishments and my struggles with each.

The Breaking Point.

Living in the land of materialism and "sin" doesn't necessarily help on the path of rediscovery. Everywhere I turn I see people only going the instant gratification route.. Since I've moved I've felt financially pressured, tempted by immorality, and pressured in general into things I don't necessarily want to over indulge in. If you know me thoroughly you may understand that pressure of any sort almost always leads to high anxiety. High anxiety leads to depression. Which is something for the last four years I've gained more control over by maintaining a healthy diet and exercise, spirituality, meditation, being cautious of those I bring into my life, and upholding some consistency in my life.. That control has been particularly hard to hold on to since I've moved to Vegas. My trip to Seattle reopened my eyes to how minimalism is the way I feel the most comfortable living. Not the high roller lifestyle. Lights, clubs, brand new cars, expensive dinners, and label shoes and purses. Don't get me wrong thoughts of those things have crossed my mind from time to time.. But it's not something I see myself being truly happy in or striving for. The things I value more than anything in my life are companionship/friendship, nature, staying true to myself, and creativity. You notice fancy shoes and money doesn't really seem to fit in my life's agenda... ;) All I want to do more than ever is donate most of my things, work in a place creativity is what I'm selling or giving away, to sell my car, live well within my means, ride or walk to work, and fill my life full to brim with people passionate about the same things I am. That is what Seattle does to me. Makes me grateful for what I have, ashamed of what I over consumed in, and makes me want to live in a way that makes me feel comfortable and knowing that I won't be ashamed of myself for taking more than I actually need.

From this moment on I will not compromise anything that I hold true. I can't be anything but myself. Why try?

One of my favorite chilhood books, The Outsiders, has a great line.. "Stay true, Ponyboy." Stay true, Andrea! Stay true! :3 

I'm currently blogging from the plane home to Nevada. Once I get home and settled tomorrow I will post my progress and struggles with my goals and plans. I'm excited to see what I can improve, what I have improved, and what plan tactics need to be reworked!