Do. Or do not. There is no try.

 

Looking back at my childhood I seemed to always embrace the famous quote "Do. Or do not. There is no try." It all started at summer camp during my elementary school years watching A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi. (Yeah, I know I had THE BEST camp counselors.)

I've always gave my best in the things that mattered the most to me.
The things that matter to those I loved and the things that benefited us both in the long run.

"Do. Or do not. There is no try."

Not succeeding..  Wasn't a option.

I was and always be my worst critic. It has gotten me far in my career for being so young. It has gained respect from my superviors and my peers.
It has gotten me far in my personal life and way of life...
That outlook can also be a double edged sword. It has hurt me in many ways too. Bringing me to the point of feeling like... "What have I become?" Even though I honestly wasn't that far off or even in a bad situation at all. The thing is.. I guess... I always just knew that my life was worth more.

Anywho...
This has me thinking back on what I've wanted for myself as a youngster. How I wanted the life I've dreamed of and built through the Sims, the short stories I use to write, and watching while lusting over the life I saw people living in film... Not only in my career, environment, relationships, but in the community.

In high school and right out of it I use to volunteer my time with the YMCA for a summer camp that helped autistic children. Also, I use to be a volunteer for my local Hospice when they had their annual grievance camp for children and teens that have lost someone due to natural causes or violent. It hurts me that I haven't volunteered in a couple years. That brings me back to... "Who have I become?"

Giving back is necessity for me. Along the side of food, water, and shelter... Giving is going to be squeezed right into the middle. I'm not going to lie I do gain in volunteering. I need this in order to build a since of community for myself and to show my thanks to those whom have helped me. But this gain in a sense isn't a bad thing to have. It's a win/win situation.

Going forward what I'm doing for now on to fill the community and karma void...
-Every paycheck I'm donating money towards a non profit or small business.
-I've filled out an application for Hospice of King County to start volunteering when needed and for their children's camp every summer.
-As well as volunteering my time at least once a month.

Giving back is my number one concern right now. Lending a hand to those whom have helped me and those I love. So I can look back when I'm older and feel like I gave more than I took. <3

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” - Mother Teresa

Sleep when you're dead... That's what the cool people say, right?

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well I'll float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The day's get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't got anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's all about.
But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud....

Oh, Modest Mouse. Seriously, I don't care how over played.. That song has meant a lot to me in the last year or so.

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you can't even think of an alternative or a plan b?
That's how I feel about my life.
That's how it's always been.

I've finally broke through! Yet again!
It only took three things...

Hard work.
Hard work.
Hard work.

I'm finally back to where I left off in my career where I was in Indiana.
Maybe even better!
A better position.
A better opportunity for my future.
Not only through the company I currently work with but for the things I want for myself outside of that.

Not going to lie... I was completely overwhelmed when I thought about my current place and where I needed to be in the last few months.
I changed that.
I took intitative.

By the time I get settled in the new position school will start up.
Three months! And I'll finally be finishing up my BA in business! Hizz-ahh!

Seriously... FINALLY!

Hard work is finally playing off. I might even start some other side projects after rebuilding my art and jewelry making supplies! And some volunteering. :D

Oh, loooove.

A Six Letter Word

Before I could fall asleep I couldn't help but think about this six letter word that has been following me or I've been connecting with all week... INVEST.
Not necessarily financially. Even though that's how it clicked for me and my business mind frame...
Invest in other things. Things you probably wouldn't think to connect the word with.
Personal things.
Invest in yourself.
Invest in your dreams.
Invest in the people around you.
Invest in your life.
Invest in your mind.

Invest now and it will help in the long run.

I know. I know.
Investing in something is to think that it's going to turn around and benefit you eventually... That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It just depends on want you're investing in.
When it comes to personal things or other people... It's can be wonderful. As long as you're doing it just to see great things in the future. To see yourself or others blossom into a better person or people. I'm talking about investing.
In the good.
For the good.
For the better.

Investing in yourself and in others to see them go on to bigger things that may benefit the world itself...

This type investment is not ever wasted.
An investment into humanity.

Think about it. I'm done rambling. I hope I made sense.
INVEST!!! ;]

It's AAAALIIIVE!!!!

It’s alive! I’m back!

Quitting is not apart of my vocabulary but breaks are necessary to grow within oneself and explore new things. On my mini excursion away from the good ol’ keyboard I have learned (or even relearned) many things about myself.  On the way I learned a few things that solidified the bigger plan I have for myself.  All of it came together after taking a needed trip back to my hometown. Let me tell you... I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders from that experience. I can breathe and just focus on what’s forward.

After arriving back “home” it became ever so apparent that this last year was all about one thing… Running.

 As a person you can only deny things for so long when they’re right in front of your face.

Running from past relationships.

Running from burnt bridges.

Running from sort of bold business/career decisions.

Running from slightly sour personal decisions.

Some would think you’d tire after a month or so... But I tend to be one stubborn redhead.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying my decision to uproot and move thousands of miles away was all fueled by running from my demons.  It was not. I do have to admit they were a great instigator. 

Moving out west has always apart of the agenda but there really had never been a definite time that it was going to take place.

After a car accident (which wasn’t my fault) that turned everything in my life upside down.. Financially, physically, and mentally. I even found it seeping into my work life by creating an underlining net of anxiety. Then everything came at once….

Having to postpone my education.

A dream turning out to be a dark pit of doom.

Losing close friends after broken friendships over gray areas.

Financial ruin.

Last but not least emotional baggage from relationships entering then exiting my life.

BLAH.. BLAH.. BLAAAH…

I actually could go on because there is plenty more. I’m not here to bitch. I’m here to give you just a small taste of what happened to me in a less than a year span to make me finally pack up and jet a year ago!

Well… Pack up and drive a tiny little Sunfire extremely far away.

Demons were definitely the instigator. 

             My motivation hasn't ever be stronger and my mind hasn't been so clearer since the weight has been lifted.

In all honestly… I should’ve went back sooner. After going back and confronting everything or even just being reminded of them gave me closure. No wonder why only few of the thing that I set out to do in this last year got accomplished. I was never a hundred percent driving forward. There was always a part of me driving back. Mentally I never made it to the west coast only a part of mind and heart, body and clothes made it there. That’s crazy to think this way. I subconsciously stunted my growth. How can you do that for so long without even thinking of it? It only took about $500 and 12 hours of flying round trip. Welp. Detonation self averted.

BACK TO LIVING POSITIVE! ;D

             

          Ps! A lot is happening and going into motion in a matter of days of arriving back to the west coast! I’ll keep you updated. Except great things in the near future! ;p

Fit-ICK-ness and Hel-EW-th

So on the quest to a better self I realized I need to go the main source that pretty much controls my everything.
My moods, my physical appearance, and how my body works...

FOOOOOD!!!!

With years of going back and forth with all organic, natural, and vegetarian eating habits...
With years of reading blogs, articles, and books about the benefits..
With years of hearing testimonials and negatives from friends, family, and acquaintances..

I finally said to myself, "HEY LADY!!!! Why the hell are you listening to everybody else?! Why not listen (or feel) to what your body is trying to tell you???"

I did just that. It's the best thing I could ever do!
I've always listened to or noticed what my skin and hair was trying to tell me. Especially after finding out at an young age that I can pretty much say good bye or no thanks to anything that isn't natural, sensitive, or fragrance free.  Also that most medications tend to react stronger or cause the unwelcome side effects. Therefore, I stopped taking any medications. Limitations... But definitely for the better started at a very young age.

So why did it take me so long to understand the same concepts when it came to food? Maybe because all of it's tasty goodness? Or that I'm OBSESSED with eating? Or perhaps I hated the possibilities of restrictions like many others before me?

I guess it was just that. Limitations... I've never been an all or nothing kind of gal. It doesn't work for me one bit. With that realization I've been very successful with my climb to eating healthy and being considerate to my body.
On that note I would like to say I've been eating great and giving myself the occasional whim of "junk" food in the last three weeks. Fruits, veggies, and grains are my main sources of food. Also, I'm starting to notice how my body reacts to a consistent flow of healthy foods. Even showing me how bad some of the foods and beverages I've grown accustom to loving and craving. Examples...

- I LOVE COFFEE. It's not the healthiest in large amounts and especially not healthy for me since I'm anemic. The coffee bean tends to decrease the absorption of iron. (Bad news bears.) Even though I knew all of this I was still addicted to it's roasted favor, many versions of drinks, and jolt of energy it gave me. In the last couple of months it started to affect me with the combination of awful eating habits.. I was light headed, fatigued, and moody. Anemia was not happy with my choices. So in the last three weeks I gradually stopped drinking coffee. Two venti coffees went to one. Venti went to grande. Then I just switched completely over to tea (mostly green :3). I felt great! Then last week I was feeling very unmotivated at work so I decided to get a coffee drink. Worst idea ever!!!! My body felt heavy and light headed. I was nauseous. Plus I eventually had an awful crash. I had officially realized that drinking coffee was a bad idea for me.

-Milk, Cheese, Yogurt.. OH, MY! Yeah. More cheese the merrier, my good friend! haha. Welp.. until I noticed the difference that a vegan alternative made towards my digestive system. Another plus of being dairy free are the inches lost around my waist. Can I top that with the fact they were almost instant!! Saaay what?! Yep. I'm being for real. Dairy can cause minimal to extreme bloating on people (that's why when people start juice detoxes they lose inches around quickly). I also have more energy because my digestive organs aren't using it up all for they minerals I'm giving my body. If you don't believe me look up how your digestive system works or I just send you a picture of my waist with and without dairy. Haha. I'll do it for science. :p

-Red meat, red shmeat... Two words Italian Grinder. So good but so deadly. Instant food coma for me. It's delicious but it makes me feel heavy. Food is meant to fuel my body not slow it down. It's like gasoline to a car. Why would I put something in the tank that isn't going to get my car from point A to point B. That's my logic that goes with my for my body as well. I don't really eat too much red meat anyways so it wouldn't surprise me if it eventually was cut out all together..

So those were just a few things I noticed once I started eating healthier and listening to my body.

It's like a breath of fresh air.
Eating right is the first step though.
Hydration is the second.
Third is fitness. 

I've actually made a fitness plan for my weeks to get me back on track.

-Kickboxing Tues or Thurs or Both! :]
-1 to 2 times a week walking or jogging at least 3 miles.
-2 to 3 times a week focus on my abdominal, legs, and arm exercises.

Minimum goal is to do 2 of these a week but of course goaling for more. This is just attempt to get me back into exercising and making it easy to work around my full time work schedule.

It's all about maintaining then building onto.

Key points I've learn.
-Fuel with the right foods.
-Light foods over heavy.
-Drink LOTS of water.
-If I give in I'll get sick and hate my life... lol
-Food is the foundation to a healthy life but fitness exercises are the building blocks.

I'll keep you updated on new foods, recipes, and exercises I start! Until then think before you eat. I know I do. ;3

Over thinking often leads to a life not lived...

They say curiosity killed the cat...
I've always liked that phrase but I guess I liked it best when it's combined with the theory of felines having nine lives...

Do you think they use eight towards curious endeavors?
I wonder if I would be less of a weenie if I had few extras lying around?

I've recently came to the conclusion that I just need to suck it up.
I can't let anxiety of new things get in my way.
It's been bad in the last month especially after Ian went on tour. Some days I've gotten to the point of full blown attacks.

Mind over matter. That's my new motto. I've been sticking myself in situations where my anexity has been the worst. Making myself confront my fears head on...
It's been working! :]

The last week or so I believe I have more control than I have since I've moved from Indiana. :]
Here's what I've accomplished in the effort of self improvement and stepping out of my comfort zone in the last couple of weeks.

-After being without a car and anyone to drive me place to place I had to venture completely on my own...Without any trouble have been going all over town and to work by walking or public transit. Which has made me so much more comfortable with the city. It's been strange without a car but I definitely needed this to break out of my shell. :]

-I signed up for kickboxing lessons! :] My first lesson will be next week. I'm really excited to find my center and exercise at the same time.

-Fully understanding how my body reacts to different foods. Cutting out lots of dairy, red meat, overprocessed food, and coffee. Eating tons of grains, fruits, and veggies. I love how my body feels and my skin is starting to look. After eating so well then falling off the bandwagon because of a craving the other day made me realize how my eating habits truly affect me. It's amazing. In the habit of treating my body right I've completely changed my cosmetics and skincare routine. Love it!

- I've been trying to read more. Someone suggested an amazing book! Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I've been obsessed ever since. I'll be on a quest for another book soon. :]

-In order to achieve my ambition of creating my own jewelry line I started a separate account, making business plans, ordering supplies, and cleaning up my brand. I'm very excited. Many of you know.. it takes time and many trials in order to start something you are truly happy with. I have finally found some designs I'm truly in love with. :] Everything is on track to launch this late spring/early summer. :D

-Surprise opportunity occurred! :] I was asked to model for a very nice salon that's located downtown Seattle. I've model for multiple hair cosmetic companies before during hair shows but not for an actual salon. Professional photos. Styled. I'm very excited to see how my hair and the photos will turn out. Also, I hope this opportunity will allow me to work with them again in the future with other events and opportunities. :]

Progress. Progress. Progress. Love. Love. Loooove.

I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that over thinking so much can stop me from enjoying life. Taking the necessary leaps to get me to where I want to be.
I'm excited for what's in store ladies and gents! :]

Over thinking often leads to a life not lived. ;]

Footing.

The last year has been like gaining my footing on a tightrope.
Unbalanced.
One wrong step..
One wrong move..
It's been a hectic walk... Emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially.

For the first time in a very long time I feel stable in every aspect of my life.

Family. Relationship. Work. Education. Finances. Creativity.

I feel like I can finally take clear steps on improving my lifestyle.
The key is.. I believe I can finally balance them all without anything taking away from the others.
Or stressing me out to the point of overwhelmingly paralyzing my self growth..
I know this blog started out with certain things planned. Certain goals in mind. They are all still there.. Just in adjusted a little.
This time I will be giving myself time frames. 
Here's a few...

-Get my car fixed by the time Ian goes on tour.. (March 15th)
-Start an exercising routine (with or without a gym) in the next two weeks.
-Continue my healthy eating habits while increasing my water intake and allowing for some healthy amounts of sweets here and there.
-Read more. Two books a month. I know it's not a lot... But going from barely reading anymore to reading two books a month will get me on track to reading more. :]
-Start up school again in September so I can finish (finally!) and proceed on to a Masters.
-Draw. Doodle. Sketch. Once a day. Even if it's a stick figure or something I'll eventually throw away.
-Reopen my savings and start another checking/savings account for personal endeavors (so it's no way connected to my billing account) within the next week.
-create test version of jewelry in the next two weeks.
-create a legitimate business plan for a retailer, cafe, or venue in the next two months.
-clean up some designs for my accessory facebook and website in the next week.
-create a few sticker designs and logos for friends in the next two weeks.

Those are some of my immediate or "short-term" goals. I'll be following up within a week for the majority of them. :]
I know I've set goals before and no actual follow up was made but this time it'll be done. Especially now I have the 'disposable" income I can put towards supplies, materials, and school without any disruption to those finances. :] ALSO, Ian will be on tour for a couple weeks this month so I'll have plenty of focus time in between work.

I'm excited to accomplish goals!
I have so many ideas and endeavors!
I can finally start developing the life I lead into the life I've always wanted. <3


Blog to you soon! :]